The beginning

So it begins...

A girlfriend of mine started a blog of her experiences, trials and tribulations.  I said to myself, "I have a lot to say too!"  Although as I said it, I said it in the whiny voice of my two year old son.  Which is why I deem myself worthy of a mommy-hood break to write a bit.

Having a blended family is really hard.  And the more it keeps blending the more and more difficult it is to keep everyone up to date on the kids and myself.  So here goes a shot in the dark.  If it works, it works.  If it doesn't, it doesn't.  But don't tell me if it doesn't.  I want to pretend for a moment that it does.

I am a single mommy of two wonderful, fantastic and amazing little ones!  Jacob who is turning 3 years old in the coming months and Olivia, "O", who will be 8 months in a matter of a week.  Good God, writing that down makes me have a mini panic attack!  Within the next four months I will have a 1 year old and a 3 year old.  Cue hair-graying and stress.

I didn't start off my life and adventures of children by myself.  There was a partner in crime.  I am being taught through my parenting classes to refer to him as "the father".  I need to represent him in a way that the kids will want to grow up knowing him as.  My relationship with him is what it is: faulty, rocky, upsetting, and above all else between him and I.  But one thing that will never change will be the relationship and bond that he will always share with his children.  He is "the father".

We've been separated for over a year now, and both have moved on with our lives.  Yes it took me a bit longer, but guess what?  I love where I am at now.  (And yes I realize in you're minds you might be thinking that this woman is OUT of her mind.  She has two young children, works part-time, and maintains that she still has sanity and is happy!  I call bull!)

Here's the secret...  I joined the fold of online dating.  Yes, yes.  GASP!  I joined Match.com and became a statistic and number.  Originally, no.  I was depressed about it just as with every other aspect of my life.  I couldn't go a day without a melt down or actually wanting to get out of bed.  It scared me when I realized I would rather take a nap and lay in bed then get up and play with my kids, or enjoy my brand new daughter, or build awesome towers and watch Jakey-Jake destroy them.  Now don't get me wrong, I have had a ton of help.  I am the youngest of 8 kids and have a wonderfully fantastic extended family (grand-kids of my generation total 21, only 6 princesses)  They helped me more in this last year then everyday of my life previously.  From pre-term labor with my daughter, to bed rest, to Jacob's surgery, to Jacob's broken arms (yes that is plural) to plain and simple just telling me to take a step back and breathe.  At first I couldn't get out of the funk.  It was terrible.  My world was ripped out from under me and I had to go from one lifestyle (a very structured military lifestyle) to here you go, here is the big bad scary world plus two kids who depend on you're every move, GO.  This thought would cue hyper-ventilating and migraines without fail.

Ultimately it took a few tries but I found the right 'Match' for me.  Oh God that sounds so cliche.  But it's a little off setting at times when you find someone that you match so well with and fit so well into their lifestyle and them into you'res that days turn into months and months into years.  It speeds up the process of life without you even realizing it.  Brad :)  <3  and I have actually talked about the two of us moving in together and combining the kids with his dog, Miss Miko.  We have started looking but obviously the move itself is still a ways out.

Brad is more than a breathe of fresh air.  The previous relationship that I had did NOT go well.  See Match dating posts to read more on that one.  But Jacob absolutely adores spending time with him and his family.  Olivia is the same way.  It's amazing to find someone who can wholeheartedly allow children into his/her life without not even having their own, but never having been around children to begin with.  At times I feel like he is the one teaching me how to be a parent.  He has taught me more about myself and what I want and what I expect then I have in the last 24 years of my life.

All in all.  Right now.  In this moment.  I am happy.  I love life again.

So here's to a new beginning full of ups and, I know, downs.  Life's lessons along the way and probably a bit more sarcasm than you want.